Viva Las Vegas!

this weekend was a blast. me and and my 3 friends, joseph, matt and larry all drove out together on friday morning to the excalibur hotel on the strip in las vegas. we got there around 4pm and started drinking immediately. we went and pretended to play slots in order to get free long island iced tea’s from the “bar wenches” as we deemed them. so after about 3 long island’s we decided it would be a brilliant idea to buy a handel of bacardi and mix it with some sprite and drink that all night until we get to whatever club we go to. this way we wont spend as much money…brilliant. here is larry, matt and me (left to right) with our football shaped “goblets” toasting to tyranny!
to tyranny!
during this drinking time we met up with some friends who were also in vegas that weekend at the planet hollywood hotel. we quickly realized that they were being lame and we didnt want to wait around for them, we had bigger plans. so we ended up losing joseph in the mix of things (he chose poorly as you will soon find out).
so the 3 of us went to a club called LAX in the Luxor hotel. by this point we had finished our goblets of sprite and bacardi and we’re pleasantly plastered. we all whipped out our NBC ID’s and tried to schmooze our way into the club for free. we quickly grabbed some random girls and told them we’d get them in for free. they ended up being 2 mormon chicks from Montana, and not only had they never been to vegas but had never even been to a club in their lives. wow. here is a picture of us with them.
montana chicks
note: matt looks like a rapist in that picture.
so while those 2 were busy trying to score with those girls, i called my friend erica who i had met in vegas last time i was there. she lives in vegas and is always ready to chill with me. so about an hour after clubbing it up she shows up. by this time i am beyond retarded. we danced for a while and even got to see Heidi Montag from the hills.
heidi montag
so needless to say, we danced a little and had some fun. to make a long story short. she took me home with her.

…..just kidding, the story doesnt end there. it took me until i walked in her door that i realized…i was sick. i yakked in her toilet and ruined any chances of doing anything. so i just crashed at her place. what a waste.
so then i wake up at 2pm the next day and ask her to drive me back to the hotel. i get there and expect a barrage of insults and mockery about my night. but alas, my story was overshadowed by josephs, who was now back with the group. his night was far worse than mine. after the 3 of us left joseph with our other friends. they met some random strangers who got them a free limo ride to SCORES, one of the nicest strip clubs in vegas. the strangers also got them in for free. so at that point in the story i asked joseph how much money he spent. he sadly just handed me a receipt…

$844.00!!!!

my jaw dropped! what kind of an idiot spends that much money on girls just giving lap dances. he didnt even have sex with them! he got home at 6:30am when they CLOSED THE CLUB! i couldnt believe it. in comparison, my story seems like a happy ending. at least i didnt spend any money!
so to make us all happy, we went to the MGM hotel’s $30.00 buffet. and man did we eat our moneys worth. i, myself, had about 5 plates of food over the course of 2.5 hours. THEN a dessert plate. it was amazing. once we were full, we decided it was time to start drinking again. we mixed the sprite/bacardi concoction and began our second night of debauchery.
this time we all stuck together and decided to go to a club called STUDIO 54 in the MGM hotel. we didnt get in for free this time, but cheap enough that it was worth it. larry and joseph parted ways together after a while leaving just me and other matt. we quickly found 2 girls willing to hang out with us. the best part was that they were BRITISH. i must have asked them to say the word “bollocks” about a thousand times. it was fantastic. we spent the whole night dancing with them and ended up eating breakfast with them at 5am as well. then they left us by letting us know that they are english, and the english dont bring boys home on the first date. so once again, we failed as men and we retired to our sleeping quarters.
just when we thought our night couldnt get any more exciting, we walked into our hotel and a woman approached us and said “blowjob, this morning?” we just said no and laughed it off, it was the perfect cap off to a very strange night.
we slept till 11am and hit the road shortly after we woke up. we made it home in 4 hours. it was a weekend full of ups and downs, but all in all we had a blast. i leave you now with a picture that made us laugh a lot. it was hanging in our bathroom. till next time.
camelot

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~ by mattmcg on March 11, 2008.

One Response to “Viva Las Vegas!”

  1. I beg to differ, I say Joseph made the right decision….titties in his face all night long beats barfing in a strangers bathroom anyday!! HAHA, outrageous spending aside. Plus the kid doesn’t pay any rent. That always makes things easier. HAHA, and how dare you say “he didn’t even have sex with them.” ha ha, who in their right mind would even consider having sex with a stripper?

    And choosing 2 Mormon girls, ay? Looks like I have directly influenced your choice in women! HAHA

    Sounds like a typical Vegas trip…ridiculous spending, retarded drunkenness, and hopeless hook up attemps.

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